Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hello Coneolonialists!

This column is for all my fellow travellers especially those in the faux diocese of San Joaquin and currently attending services in the buildings grounds and good graces of the real Episcopal Diocese of San Joaquin.

How are things going for you?  Been seeing the Archbishop of Canterbury lately?  No, well that is too bad since you are not recognized by +Rowan Williams.  Remember Mr. Schofield's promise to get you closer to Canterbury?  Seems to have not worked out quite the way you thought it might?  Come on home, we are waiting for you!

How is that 1662 prayer book working for you?  particularly the part where you pledge fealty to the King or Queen of England?  Pretty hot stuff considering we had a Revolution in 1776 that solved that problem.  And hey, the hymnal you are using is that corresponding to the 1662 prayerbook?  Well, just want you to know we are still using the 1979 prayerbook and guess what?  It is as beautiful as the 1662 but it is written with the American Experience in mind.  Come on home, we are waiting for you!

And how about your provincial Convention?  How many voting delegates did you send down South?  How much in the way of voice and vote did you really have?  And hey, how are they spending your precious resources? Money must be pretty tight right now what with the huge sums being paid to your legal team.  Guesses are upwards of over 1 million dollars?  John David share with you how much money has been paid to the legal team and how much more you are going to spend before you lose it all anyway?  You seeing any of the money in your parishes?  Hey, it is only money right and since you belong to the Southern Cone probably just as well, right?  Why should you not contribute the lion's share of the provincial revenues?  You are after all, taking up the lion's share of the archbishop's time?  And hey, how is that archbishop working out for you?  You paid to get his home fixed all pretty.Suppose he is done?  Hope he doesn't need any more. How about the maintenance on your church buildings (or your homes for that matter) is all that getting done for you?  Come on home, we are waiting for you!

And, speaking of property, I hope you are keeping our property in good shape. We will be there soon and we would like to get the property back in the same condition that you took it.  And while we are on the topic the latest ruling seems to draw us inexorably closer to the the return of the property to the Episcopal diocese of San Joaquin.  When your property returns what do you think is going to happen?  Well I do not know either but let's look at what has happened so far.  The parishes that have returned have been given new life and we, the laity of the diocese, have helped keep the doors open.  See, maybe if you come in soon you can negotiate a similar deal with the Bishop.  Maybe if you wait until the court demands you return the property you are not going to get a good deal at all -- what might that look like?  Well, let's not think about that,  come on home, we are waiting for you!

And have you guys got all that messy "stuff" worked out yet? Make some progress on the issue of LGBT and divorced clergy and heaven forbid -- women priests?  got that all worked out yet?  Mr. Schofield help you through that process did he?  Great -- well, if that hasn't happened yet come on home, we are waiting for you!

In the inimitable words of one of America's great sales persons:  "We'll leave the light on for you!"